Ep18: Choosing Goals that Chase You for Lasting Fulfillment

ASM Ep 18: Choosing Goals that Chase You for Lasting Fulfillment

 Welcome to the Art of Self Mastery podcast. I’m your host, Sonja Thompkins, and I believe the key to living a fulfilling and successful life begins with the knowledge of ourselves. In this podcast, we’ll explore the practical principles of personal development, spirituality, and wellbeing. On each episode, I’ll share my experiences and expert advice.

To empower you on your journey of self discovery and ultimately to live a life you want by mastering your emotions, thoughts, and habits. 

 Hello, soulful listeners . Thank you guys so much for being here, listening, and tuned in to this episode. I have not done an episode like this in a while. And what I mean by that is I’m actually recording this inside of my sauna.  I want to say my first or second episode ever, was recorded inside of the sauna.

And yeah, it just so happens that, you know.   Maybe the heat, um, no, there’s actually,  a very specific, um, thing that happened to me just a few moments ago. And I was like, Ooh, I have got to share this, , on the podcast. And I just so happened to be in the sauna. So, you know, here it is. I hope you like the acoustics.

So what am I talking about today?  I’m not sure what I’m going to actually title this, so it’s going to be something like, How to pick the next goal you want to achieve when you have so many.

Yeah, it’ll be something like that. So if you’re listening and you are a multi passionate woman who has several goals, um, floating around that you do want to achieve, they’ve been on your mind, you’ve written them down, you want to make sure that you fulfill them. A lot of times it can feel like.  Oh my gosh, I don’t know which one to do when and so I want to help you today in this episode by sharing  Something that has been working for me for several years,  to not only fulfill goals, but The goals that I end up fulfilling using this specific technique  have been the ones that have been the most like sustaining, um, the most like took me to the next level, , of that particular area of my life or business or what have you, right? So it wasn’t just that, Oh, okay, I completed it. I achieved a thing. It was like, Oh, okay. Not only did I complete or achieve it it was nourishing versus exhausting. It helped me grow instead of me feeling stuck or that I went backwards. And it also, looking back, it was the stepping stone that I absolutely needed to get to where I am now in that particular area, whatever it was, right? 

So, let’s just jump right into it. Like, how did I get here to the point,  where I was like, you know what, I need to share this. Um, I teach this inside of my one on one private coaching with my clients.  And I don’t even think that I’ve ever, even with my courses,  and modules, I don’t think I’ve ever explained it this way, so this’ll be great.

You guys are kind of getting an insider’s experience with me in this episode as well, so this should be fun.

Alright, so, what happened?  Okay, if you are someone who knows me, a little bit more intimately other than just like my social media posts, if you’re in my email community, maybe you’ve been a client or we just know each other, you have probably heard me talk about a thought.  And, or desire to write a book.

You may have even been one of the many, many, many people who have told me, I should write a book. Oh my gosh, Sonja, you should write a book. Sonja, you should totally write a book. Girl, you can write a book about that.  These are things that I’ve heard for a really long time. And you guys, I am,  I could be a poster child for imposter syndrome on so many levels, especially as it pertains to being an entrepreneur for over 25 years in multiple different industries, and just also in owning my purpose, right?

And how I’m here to impact the world, and experience the world. I am such a big, I, I have, well, I’m not a big imposter, but I have definitely, um, had a lot of bouts with imposter syndrome  and so even when it comes to someone being like, oh my god, you should write a book, you know Oh my god, you’re such a great coach. 

You would be a good coach. Do you guys have any idea how many years I resisted being a coach? Right and then when I became a coach I resisted. I was a business coach. That’s all I did was business coaching, or at least I’ll say that’s how I positioned myself was as a business coach only. Um, and many, many of clients were like, Oh my God. 

Okay. I got to this business school. You helped me open my business. You helped me grow my business. You know, you helped me get more time freedom with my business. Oh my gosh. I’m like, Oh. Girl, you’re like my life coach. You help me get my life together, you know, and people would tell me that and I really, again, I really, really resisted,  the idea of being a life coach, which is kind of,  uh, laughable now because as I have assessed many, many times evaluated my life, I can see I have been life coaching my entire life.

Um, but that is how imposter syndrome affects us. And so, even when folks are like, oh you should write a book, you, oh my gosh, like, you  know, oh my god, you had that experience, you did that, you should write a book about that. Oh my god, you did that, you should write a book about that.  , so, books and me writing a book or something like that has been a, , a topic, it has been, um, an idea, a, just a, a thing, right, that has been around me. 

Especially for the last five years and probably within, I would say the three to somewhere around three, maybe all the five, but definitely three years, um, I’ve been saying like, okay, I’m going to write a book. I know it like, so I went from like, oh, book, book, book. It’s kind of an idea floating around. But I, you know, I’m doing this other thing.

I’ll get to it. I got these other things going on. I’ll get to it. Um,  and I think at the very beginning of sort of this idea about like a book, um,  you know,  coming through me  again, it was really introduced, I want to say for the very first time by someone else, someone else being like, Hey. You should write a book, right?

And so, it took a while for me to get from like Oh, one person said it, uh, that would be cool. To like multiple people saying it, you know, over courses of years.  And then me, resisting that, like, uh, right, like, it’s cool, but, to yeah, you know, I kind of do want to write a book, you know, reading other people’s books.

I, I think,  and, and you guys might feel like this too. Sometimes. I’m like, well,  why would I write a book like my ideas, my perceptions sometimes, um, about how something is going to look  can affect my decision whether or not I’m going to do it.  Right.  Sidebar.  It’s completely opposite in my coaching relationships with my clients.

My clients hire me because I do have such a broad perspective and I can see so many opportunities and avenues in which they can do different things in order to fulfill their goals. Like, Oh, you don’t need all that. Like, all you need is this, like, Oh, that’s all you got, girl. That’s all we need. Let me show you how.

Right. But, um, for myself. I can be like, Oh, well, you know,  I have an idea of what  I have bought into, let me say it this way, I have bought into the idea of what certain things should look like, how it should be presented, how, how, the shoulds, right? And so when that doesn’t feel in alignment with me, I have in the past been like, yeah, well  Because I’m not going to do it.

Like that doesn’t feel good to me that way and if that’s how I got to do it, then I’ll just not do it. Um, and so it was the same thing with this book sort of flotation idea. By the way, just so you know, this is not about me plugging a book. I’m not currently writing a book. All right. Just want to throw that out there.

Um, so I don’t want you to think this episode is like me trying to get you hyped up about my book. Um, yet. Okay. All right. So when other people started saying it and then I was like, okay, I can see that. And then it was like, okay, well, yeah, I do want to write a book. Um, but I, it was always like, I, like, that’s going to be something I do some other time because I just. 

I was like either launching a new program or, you know, um, relaunching my current program or hosting one of my in person events or retreat or, you know, homeschooling or something where it was just like, yeah, I don’t really have the energy for it, you know? So it was a yes for me.  By the time it was a yes for me, I’m like, it’s a yes, but  Not right now.

It’s a yes, it’s just not yes right now. Okay. Um, so fast forward probably around 2020.  I want to say the end of 2020. It also was around the time where I  Sort of accepted and was really excited about integrating the fact that I am  a life and business coach. And I went public with that alignment and that new positioning.

And that same time was when I was like, yeah, I know I’m going to write a book. Like it was like, yeah, I know I’m going to write a book.  Now it’s just a matter of like, okay, I’m going to see when this, when this really presents itself, right? Okay, so, like I said at the beginning of this episode, Um,  when you’re,  um, tasked with, you have these, this goal or these different things that you want to do, you have multiple things that you’re either working on, , or that you want to be doing, right?

You’re a multi passionate woman.  We got a lot of things stirring in our brains, even if we’re not actively producing them, right?  But then there’s a point when you’re like, okay. Um, I’m ready to embark on the next thing. How do you choose that? Right? So at this, at this exact time that I’m recording this episode, I have, um, changed sort of my – the way I primarily work with my clients, I am right now exclusively only working privately one on one with individuals, which is how I started my coaching business.

And I really, really love that. My clients are getting amazing results from that., we just in our home kind of transitioned from homeschooling for four years to our son being in traditional school. So that’s been sort of like a transition.  So there’s multiple, again, multiple things going on.

I have all these, I have these like, okay, I’m going to do this. I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that. Um, but it’s like, how do I pick when or what next? Okay. So.  Over the last  year now, remember end of 2020, it was when I was like, Oh, okay, like  do it. Writing a book is definitely  on my radar and I definitely want to do it.

I am all in on this, but I, the timing just isn’t right, but I know it’s going to present itself. So, about six, uh, I don’t know, maybe about four months ago, I, just out of the blue, was, um, contacted by someone in my network that I had met. Like a year ago, and this person was like, hey, I’m writing this book. I’m writing this book and I’m about to be like I already have a publishing Deal situation going on and you just have such an impact on me.

I would love it if you would consider contributing to my book  and I was like Hmm, tell me more. And so we talked. Um, it sounded really good. It was very much in alignment with what I do. , I love the premise, in which she wanted me to contribute. So I was like, it’s a yes. We started moving forward. I kind of jumped the gun a little bit quicker.

Um,  for those of you who know much about human design, I’m a manifesting generator, so I do skip steps often. And.  Um, the step that I skipped was talking about,  you know,  the not so fun creative parts of this, but talking about like the business side of it. So I kind of skipped like contractual things, like, you know, the nuts and bolts, like what You know, what do I own, what do you end up owning, you know, what does all that look like?

And went straight into creative and created, you know, the, the portion that she, you know, wanted me to contribute. Um, it was really great. And then I was like, Oh, okay, I have it done before I give it to you though. Hey, you know.  What are we going to do with this, this, and that? And, , you know, it ended up not working out.

Um, she was not, you know, she’s an author, but she is not the publisher. And they weren’t quite on board or They didn’t even feel like they should be having to tell me anything about that. And I was just like, well, this  is intellectual property and it’s going to be a hard no for me then.  so we were not able to move forward even though we kept our relationship intact.

Um, but it was like that opportunity with that.  Was just out of the blue and I remember being sort of at the very beginning where it was like, oh, well I don’t know if we can do that. And you know, we might just have to you know, not move forward with you contributing I was a little peeved you guys gonna be honest.

I was a little like ticked off about it and I remember going to my coach and sharing that experience and she was like  Well, what if that, you know, like I get what you’re saying, I understand why you were kind of frustrated. And I told her, you know, for me, I know my real frustration was with myself because I let my excitement, spur me into creating the content without Doing the work first right without doing sort of like that business side of it first And so I was really upset I was upset with myself because I was in a season where there was it was so busy you guys I mean, I really like pushed myself move things around to like last minute Create this content for her and her book and then for the plug to be pulled on it.

I was like, oh You know, I was really fighting with the thoughts of like, I just wasted my time. You know, I could have been using my time for something else. And I was sharing that with my coach and my coach was like, well, what if it wasn’t really a waste of time though? Right? Like you said, you wanted to write a book.

What if that’s just. Some content now that you already have done and completed  And you can use that  in your own book She’s like is there something keeping you from putting that in your own book? And I was like, hmm   no, there is not and I was like, hmm. Okay. I see you. I see where you’re going with that And I was like, okay.

All right  I can appreciate that maybe that is where this is going, you know, like, okay, well, you know, okay, I got that so when I get to this book  Okay, I got  some stuff already done. Cool. 

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 So fast forward to about  a month ago and I hear One of my coaches, she is writing a book, I’m not gonna mention who she is just because she’s writing a book, it’s not due to go public and release until early 2024 and I don’t know how much she shared publicly about that so I don’t wanna be the person spilling the beans, but she’s writing a book, one of my coaches is writing a book  I’m like, oh, okay, that’s cool, like, totally expect that from her, like, you know, yes, I see, I could see that so well.

And About 4 or 5 days ago, I got an email. It was like,  So and so would like, you know, to share your story. Are you interested in being in so and so’s book? Upcoming book? And I was like, Hmm. Right? And I immediately thought like,  Hmm. That’s come up again. Like, okay, so, okay.  Okay.  Another, like, opportunity.

Another, like, this book is showing up. Again, right? Um, and I decided to give myself several days to think about it, and you know, if that was something I wanted to do, if it was really in a line like, take notes from what happened last time, like, you know, I don’t have to rush, I can take a moment and think about some things.

And so I did that, and while I was taking sort of like, a couple days to think about it,  Um, being at that, at the time I’m recording this, we’re wrap, wrapping up, um, the end of 2023. And, of course, all the astrology folks are putting out like their 2024 reports, and I’m looking at these things. And I notice like reading like at least two different people’s sort of like their predictions  You know, their interpretation of the stars for 2024 kept talking about,  you know, uh, for those who are Taurus or Taurus rising.

So I have Taurus rising. It talks about like  these new things, like these things that you have been wanting to do, these things that have been like  there that you’re like, Oh, One day and yeah, I’m gonna like this is the year to do it like you’re going to it’s not even like hey You should do that. It’s gonna be like you’re gonna feel like I am doing this, right?

So this is going to pull you, right? Um, you’re just going to feel like doing it, right? And you’re going to have the energy for it. And one of them I read was so specific. It was like that new hairstyle you want to try. That book that you’ve been talking about writing. This is the year that you’re going to do it, right?

It was very like, you’re going to do it. It’s not even like, you, this is a great time for you to try. No, it was like, you’re gonna do it. Um, if you don’t know, I recently, like within the last couple of weeks, chopped off like 12 inches of my locks, you guys. So, it was like, new hairdo, check. Um, book thing, I’m like, Wow, it specifically said book out of all the things they could be talking about like, Oh, if you’ve been wanting to, you know, they could have been saying like, if you want to travel, if you want to move, you want a new hairdo, you know, um, if you, you know, if you want to, um, you know, whatever, insert goal, insert thing, right?

And it specifically said that book you’ve been trying to,  that book. And I thought,  Okay, this is interesting. This is okay. Okay. And so,  fast forward, I decided that I’m going to contribute. So I did, you know, I sent that all in and whatnot.  And so that brings me to like, picking a goal when you have like so many or you have several.

Um,  Here’s what I know, and here’s what I’ve started doing, and, you know, like I said, like,  almost like 10 years ago, and this is what I continue to do now. You know how you  hear a lot of, like, coaches, and gurus, and, and strategists, you know, they’ll tell you, like, Go for the lowest hanging fruit, right? If you’re trying to decide what to do, how you gonna get started, just pick the lowest hanging fruit.

And, I say, no.  I say no,  I say yes to picking the lowest hanging fruit once you have identified what goal you’re going after, right? Picking the lowest hanging fruit is a great strategy. It’s a great tip for doing the individual steps or tasks,  of that particular goal  that you’re working on. But in terms of picking the goal, deciding which one you’re going to work on now versus later,  I say follow the one that keeps chasing you. 

Did you hear what I said? I didn’t say the one that you keep chasing. I didn’t say the one that you keep  thinking about. I said, follow the one that keeps chasing you.  You guys, this    thing, this, this idea, this, um, um, this thing that wants to be birthed through me keeps chasing me. I’m not sitting around, you know, saying affirmations on I want to write a book, I want to write a book, I’m going to be a great author, I’m going to be a great author, ten times, a hundred times, a thousand times.

I’m not doing any of that. I’m not doing none of that. And yet, this keeps showing up for me. And I also want to point out that this particular sort of like process,  that I do isn’t about deciding or picking the next goal I’m going to work on. based on the fact that, oh, this must be for me because it keeps showing up, right?

How many times have you done that? Like, oh, I’m not supposed to, uh, you know, I’m not supposed to, you know, do that. Cause shoot, that just keeps showing up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um, things keep showing up. Not to, at least this is my philosophy, just because it keeps showing up. That is not the sign that it is what you should be doing.

The reason it keeps showing up is so that you can keep rechoosing it over and over  Okay, y’all get, y’all following me? So a thing shows up multiple times over a span of months or years, and every time it shows up, it is an opportunity for you to respond, Yes, that’s something that interests me. That’s something I would like to do.

Or, No, that doesn’t feel right to me,  I want none of that. Right?  The sort of repetitiveness of it showing up for you isn’t the  signal that it’s a yes. It is a signal that it is available to you and it is asking you to decide if you want it.  Okay? So it’s slightly, it’s just a very slight nuance there, but it is a difference.

And when things Um,  keep showing up like that and they are chasing you  and you keep responding to it that yes, that’s what I want to do.  Then to me, that’s the thing that you then choose as your next. Sort of like, um, goal, the next, you know, uh,  area of growth that you’re gonna go after. It’s the next achievement you want to,  you know, grasp versus the low hanging fruit.

I mean, low, because Just because it’s the easiest thing to do, right? Like, think about, it’s  like, I’m not saying, because y’all know I am not a proponent of the hustle, the grinding, the, ooh, if you didn’t work hard for it, it’s not a good thing. I don’t believe that. But I do think that there is something, um,  To be said about  well, I’m just gonna pick it cuz it’s there right like there’s so many things like there’s so many options available to us in all sorts of areas and I think it is a sort of a slap in the energetic  face of our subconscious to just be like, oh, well, I mean,  you know You’re giving me a bounty to choose from but, you know, I’ll just take that right there cause, shit,  it’s right there, right? 

I mean, it’s just right there. And if that’s the only sort of like, it’s like, well, it would be cool, right? It’s the difference between like, oh, that would be cool to do versus, oh my god, I have to do that before I leave this planet, right? That is two completely different, um, emotional Energetic reactions to a goal, a thing that you want to pursue, right?

Your desires. And so, instead of going for the low hanging fruit  to decide, in terms of deciding which goal you should pursue next, I say go to the one that keeps chasing you. Right? If you gotta keep chasing a thing, a goal, a thing, like an idea, if you’re the one like constantly, like you gotta chase it, you gotta make it happen, like if you gotta make it happen. 

To me, those are the things,  you can make it happen, but what does that look like, you know, a little bit later on in the journey, right? For me, it usually looks like a shit show. The things that I have made happen, I’ve been so proud to stand on my soapbox, like, I did that, like, shoot, I made that happen. Yeah, that was, yeah, that was a hot mess.

Um, versus like, oh, I mean, that was like, all I did was, right? The things that were like, all I did was.  Those have been the most profound,  um, and most  impactful experiences,  or, you know, things that I have.  Fulfilled in my life, so I wanted to share that with you if you are someone you have multiple goals that you know You’re like, okay.

Um, I’ve just you know, I hit a goal recently. I had something I had success with that I feel really good about that I’ve allowed myself to bathe in that and bask in that and I have you know, restored myself and now I am feeling the urge to get going on the next thing. I am ready to evolve again.  And I have these multiple things that I could reach for and, you know,  uh, move toward.

Go for the one that just keeps chasing you.  What is chasing you right now? I want to know.  Do me a favor. Either send me a DM on Instagram or Facebook at Sonja Thompkins.  Okay, or you can even click the link in my show notes and head over to the podcast page and there’s a button you can click to leave me a voice message if that’s more your jam if you’re a talker like me.

But I want to know what goal, what thing just keeps chasing You right? I think this stuff is fascinating. Anyways, you guys. Thank you so much for listening I hope you found something very helpful for you in this episode We’re 30 month 31 minutes in and I have burned a hundred and fifty 9 calories in this sauna.

And so, before I become a prune, I’m going to get out of here. So,  you guys, go for it with your goals, the one that is chasing you. And if you need help, if you want support and coaching and accountability as you reach for that next goal, be sure to book a call with me to learn how my private one on one coaching will help you fulfill your number one goal.

Okay?  Remember, reach, rest, and repeat. I’ll see you on the next episode.