Ep. 2: The Benefits of Long Term Life Coaching EVEN WHEN You’ve Gotten The Results

Sonja: Hey everyone. Welcome back to the show. Today’s conversation has just been inspired, literally. This is sort of like one of those I guess talks that just sort of popped up and I think you’ll really enjoy it. I’m talking today about working with a coach long term. Okay? People choose to work with a coach long term.

In particular, I’m gonna share with you why one of my clients has chosen to work with me yet again, and we’re going on, this will be, we are entering into our third year of working together. And it’s not because it’s not working, I will tell you that.

But, and I just wanna share like some of the thoughts that I know a lot of people have around working with a coach or even if you are a coach, let’s say, in terms of working with clients long term. There’s a lot of conversation out there about it. And I’ll even share with you some of like my thoughts about, or some of my previous thoughts about working with someone in a long term capacity and sort of what I thought that that meant for me. So, yeah, I’m gonna share that with you too.

And, and also share and talk about some of a few other sort of like myths. Like some people think like, you know are you paying just for friendship? And isn’t this, I mean, can you just, you know, talk to your girlfriends? Like, why are you paying for a life coach or a coach or whatever, when you could just talk to your friends, you know, or your family members. You know, save that money and yada woop boop boop.. So I’m gonna touch on that as well.

And then one of the last things that I’m going to speak on and this one, I’m gonna try to keep it, I’m gonna try, I’m gonna try my best, y’all. Y’all know how I get, but I’m gonna try my best to keep this concise. But one of the last things I wanna touch on sort of is why… sort of that idea of like your friends or your family being, you know, why can’t you just, or you know, maybe you just need a different circle of friends because your friends should be able to hold that kind of space for you and all that. And why relationships in particularly amongst women, whether it’s women friendships or mother-daughter relationships, can be so tricky when it comes to sort of people either being able to, or being able to hold space for one another in that, in that capacity or why the expectation even exists.

So this is really good. So, if you’ve got about 30 minutes or so, go ahead. Make sure you listen throughout all the way cause we’re gonna be touching on all those subjects.

So, let’s talk about how this conversation sort of came to be. So I’m sitting here, I’m having my coffee, I get a notification on my phone because I do allow notifications to come through my phone that I have preset to come through that will initiate me to celebrate something.

So I’ll give you an example. In my business, or because I, I do a lot of business from my phone. I also really have a lot of boundaries around notifications and phone calls. And I, I just, they really irritate me, but I also have strong beliefs in celebrating when great things are happening. I believe that when you celebrate wins, regardless of your idea of their size or the magnitude, I know that when you celebrate wins, when you focus on anything, you get more of that.

And so I have set up sort of these notifications through Zapier that when something happens in my business, someone signs a, you know, signs up for my mastermind or they purchase one of my self-study courses, or you know, they wanna work with me one-on-one, they fill out, you know, their application or they, you know, sign their agreement or they make their payments. I get notifications because that initiates me to take a pause from what I’m doing, acknowledge that, celebrate that. You know what I mean? And pull more of that into my world.

So I’m sitting here having my coffee. I get one of those notifications. It is a contract been signed and also a payment notification, and I’m like, woo-hoo! And then I look to see, cuz I, sometimes I do this, sometimes I don’t. But I look to see like who it was or what it was. And I noticed that it comes from a client of mine that I’m already working with.

And for those of you who have worked with me, you know that I always extend the invite for you to continue to work with me if you know, if things are going really well for you, if you wanna just continue with the progress you’re making, I always extend that. As you know, well, I, I was gonna say, especially to my clients that I really, really love, but I honestly, I can’t even tell you the last time I worked with someone that was not a good fit for me because we figured that out before we ever start working together. So pretty much everyone gets an invitation to keep, you know, working with me if that feels good to them.

And so here she is resigning and I was like, wow. Wow. Here we go again. And I love that because I am really connected with this particular client. She’s an amazing person. She’s an entrepreneur. She just, she came into, we came into each other’s world at exactly the right moment, which is really how everything that is for you works.

And it’s just been a really amazing journey, watching and watching her figure herself out, you know what I mean? Because I don’t know what you might think a life coach does, but I don’t fix people because people are not broken. I, I know that with every fiber in my being, like, none of you are broken.

Nobody is broken. So I don’t fix people. You may have habits that are broken or habits that don’t serve you, or beliefs that don’t serve you or be in communities or circles of folks who don’t serve you, and those relationships are broken or that container is broken because you no longer fit into it any longer, but you are not broken. So I don’t fix people.

And so, it’s just been so good and energizing for me and, and empowering for her this entire journey that she’s been on since we’ve worked together. Right. And so you may be thinking like, okay, but why? Why, why, why does it, you know, if it’s working so well, Sonja, why is she still like working with you? Why does she wanna keep working with you? Like, isn’t she fixed?

And that’s what I mean, this life coaching and working with a coach, working with a mentor, it’s not about I’m gonna work with you until you are fixed. Because you are not broken. The life coaching that I do the work that I do, we may start off… a person may come to me with an, let’s, let’s put it in terms of like something physical, because that’s easier for people to sort of understand.

So you may come to me with a sore, right? And the sore is like really you didn’t, you know, you didn’t hurt yourself on a bike. You don’t even know how you got this sore. But now the sore is there and the sore is like crusty and it’s pussy, it’s ooey, and it’s like, ah, this sore is really hurting me right now. I need this sore gone, right?

And so what I’m gonna do first is, I’m gonna talk with you and together we’re going to sort of identify, like, when did you first notice the sore? Like how long has it been there? When did you first notice it? What was kind of going on before the sore showed up? And most importantly, here’s how you can, let’s, let’s clear the infection of the, so like right now. Let’s get the sore to stop hurting as soon as possible, right?

So we’re gonna take like some immediate action. We’re gonna get some immediate things into place so that you can stop the immediate pain, the immediate suffering, the immediate, you know, and for me as a life coach that’s not necess, that’s not actually like the, you know, here’s a physical ointment. It’s more like, okay, let’s, let’s dig out where the suffering is actually coming from, which is usually like your thought around why you can’t get out of a pattern, a feeling, a thought, right?

So I’m gonna show you very quickly some reframes around that. I’m gonna explode, you know, I’m gonna like, blow your mind with some perspective that you just can’t see because you’re in your own head and you’re in your own feelings and you know.

And then from there we are going to get to, okay, where did the, you know, where did this start? What are some of the things that continue to feed into this sore, this thought process, this experience that you’re having? And let’s talk about like what you ultimately want. Like you ultimately want smooth, supple, beautiful skin. Okay, great. Let’s. Let’s put that in there so that we can focus on future you and the steps you need to take every day, the small steps, every day you need to do to move forward, to get to future self right now. And so that’s sort of like. What it looks like in terms of life coaching.

So this is a process. It is not a quick fix. There are quick fixes, right? There are quick fixes of the moment to relieve the suffering, but there’s no quick fix in the transformation. Transformation takes time. And a lot of people may not want to hear that. It doesn’t mean you’re not having success, you’re not getting results throughout the transformation, throughout the process, excuse me. It means, but to have the full transformation, that’s gonna take a little bit longer than, you know, a VIP call, an intensive call four weeks, right?

We’re gonna cure things. We’re gonna get rid of the itch and the scratch in that amount of time, but we’re not going to completely transform your skin using this analogy in that amount of time. So that’s more of a process. And so for me typically, six months is just really that good sweet spot that I like to work with people with. Again, we can do immediate like triage in, you know, four to eight weeks, you know, or actually I should say more like eight to 12 weeks. But real transformation sweet spot, at least six months.

And I remember when I very first got into coaching, I as a, as the coach, I can remember saying to my coach, like, I don’t know, like, why would, it’s like therapy. Like I don’t understand why people go to therapy. For, you know, and I coach therapists, by the way, you guys, I’ve talked about this before. I actually am a mindset coach who works with a group of a rotating 80 to a hundred plus therapists every week, and I hold space for them and talk them through their mindset and through, and, you know, and, and coach them through their life as they’re building out their practices and whatnot.

So, I would be like, I don’t understand why people are in therapy for 15 years, 12 years. And I did not want that in my coaching practice. I want people to feel successful, to feel better, to obtain the goal, to, you know, to experience the results quicker than five years, 15 years, et cetera. And so I was really hesitant about like long term, longer term coaching packages.

But what I have found is that, again, that was coming from a mindset place of, oh, that’s because it takes that long to fix somebody. Like, does it really? I didn’t experience that. I mean, I could get on the phone with someone. We could have sessions and they could feel better and have lasting results, you know, from certain aspects relatively quickly. I mean, so I, I just, it, it was mind boggling to me.

Well, fast forward, I realize a lot of things I still don’t believe, this is just my personal opinion. I’m not a therapist. I might coach therapist, but I’m not a therapist, so I’m not saying there’s something wrong if you’re in therapy for 20 years. I would, I would just say explore that. That feels very, that feels like a lot to me unless you are transitioning in your therapy, as many people do in life coaching with me.

They start with one thing and they, they, they get very comfortable and have tools and practices that allow them to navigate that particular area of their life with a lot more ease. And then they realize, oh, I’d like to do that in this other area of my life. And so, you know, now we wanna talk about this or I wanna focus on this. And that is a very, very real thing. And I’m gonna talk about that a little more just now.

So this client of mine, she resigned with me. We’re going on like year three. And I was like, that is just so cool cuz I really enjoy her. And it, it kind of brought up this conversation that I heard recently where another coach was saying to her audience somebody was basically like, well, isn’t this like paying for friendship? Like, if you really like her, Sonja, and she really likes you and y’all work so well together, like if you’re saying you really like her as a person, like, why are you still charging her to to be, you know, a client?

And here’s, here’s how I want to address that, because you might be wondering this too. Like, why, you know, people will say, well, again, why are you working with a life coach? You can just talk to your friends. Or maybe you’re thinking, this is good, I have a great girlfriend and I don’t need a life coach and, and what have you.

Okay. Let me just address that no, she is not a pain paying for my friendship. Okay? We are, she is my client. This is one of the, this is probably one of the things I love Mooch most about being a coach and not being a therapist, is that I do get to be friends if I choose, if we choose, I should say, if we choose, I get to be friends with my clients.

Therapist, you can’t do that. There’s a ethical boundary there you won’t, you don’t wanna cross. And sometimes even a a law, you know, there are laws, you know, that, that are at play there as a therapist, but as a coach, I don’t have to do that. I get to choose my clients and I, we get to choose each other to be beyond just the the coach client relationship if we want, and we can do these things in tandem.

And you know why it works? Because I am a master of boundaries. And I teach my clients to be the masters of their own boundaries. I teach them how to create boundaries and how to honor their own boundaries. I don’t even really like the word boundary, but I use it because you all know what I’m talking about, but I like to call it self prioritization. It’s not a boundary. It’s a very clear distinction around the priority that you have set for yourself about different things in your life and business and or business. If you don’t have a business, just your life. If you’ve got both, okay, cool. Right?

So we get to create those boundaries, those prioritizations, and we honor them. So we get to have the coach client relationship, and we get to be friends in tandem or separate, depending on the time, the situation, et cetera, right? So, no, she’s not paying for my friendship, but let me explain what she is paying for and why there’s still that client coach relationship and that set of boundaries and payment. Let me tell you what she’s paying for. Okay?

She’s paying for dedicated attention and dedicated space for her to just show up what with whatever she needs to show up with at any particular time, you know, based on our dedicated schedule in a consistent way. And it makes it really good for her because it’s constant. It’s a, it’s a place, it’s, it’s an area where she knows it’s something she can either look forward to. It’s something that she can count on. Okay?

When you are just friends, when you are just friends, your friends. And I’m talking the most loving. Therefore, you ride or die, you know, I, you know, ride or die. Like this is your people. This is your tribe, right? Your village. Even those people can only give you the attention, the space, and that’s assuming that all of your friends have the capacity to hold this kind of space for you because everyone doesn’t.

There are all kinds of friends and all kinds of people, and that’s not, this is just, that’s just what it is. It’s not a dig. Let’s just, but let’s stop acting like just cuz they’re your friend, they can hold the type of capacity you need. And I’m talking emotional capacity, right? Or the capacity to understand what you’re talking about, whatever challenges you might be talking about as a, as a, as an entrepreneur. Or the challenges that you might be talking about, you know, as a mom, maybe they’re not an entrepreneur, maybe they’re not a mom or a parent.

They can hear you, they can be a great listening ear, which is amazing. Sometimes all you need to do is just have someone there so you can just rant. But then other times you need somebody who has intelligence, expertise, and or experience in those areas to be able to not just listen. Because at some point, you may not want just a listening ear. You want some suggestion or perspective on how you can move beyond that particular area of challenge or confusion so that you can get clarity around the subject and move forward. Right?

It’s all, it’s always about moving towards future, future self, future calling future purpose, pulling you forward, right? Instead of being stuck in the past or stuck in a current story that is not serving you. And so even though you have these wonderful circles of friends, I hope you do. If you don’t, it’s even more important to get into some kind of coaching relationship or something like my mastermind, because community is everything. Like minds are everything.

You are, you are. You are a product, a byproduct of your environment and your environment is not just your home, your community, where you live. Your environment is also the company you keep or lack of. Okay? We are humans. We’re not meant to be here in our own self, in our own heads all the time.

Even those who are happy, happy hermits like me, we need to be pulled out. Pulled out and called out. Every now and then, and we have to, we have to we have to answer those calls and allow ourselves to be called out and pulled out of our hermit isms so that we can, you know exercise our purpose and, and our impact in the world the way, you know, God designed us to do.

So, but everybody can’t do that. So that’s number one. Why? It’s just your friends just cannot always. Right? And let’s say that they are, they do have that capacity. They do. Can they do it every week at the same time? Can they do it every month at the same time? Are they carving out, like, do y’all have dedicated time? Like, hey, you know what, every other Thursday at 4:30, please show up. Please call me. I’ll show up for you. And I’m, I’m here for whatever you need and we’re gonna work through it.

Like, do you grow? Do you have, do you have that? I’m guessing not. And I also would say, if you do, I’m very curious, you know what your lifestyle looks like, what your girlfriend’s lifestyle looks like. And I’m wondering how healthy of these boundaries do you all have? Because if, unless you’re that person’s only friend and that person is your only friend, when you’re talking now about multiple friends.

If everybody has at least two or three friends and we’re holding space for our friends like that, we’re holding, you know, intentionality and safe spaces and all of that for our friends like that, how much of our time are we dedicating to holding space and nurturing ourselves? Self prioritization, remember I talked about that.

And then do you have a spouse or a relationship that you’re nurturing? Do you have a child or children that you’re nurturing? Do you have a business or a career that you are nurturing and active in? Because that’s a whole lot of spaces to be intentionally, actively holding all the time. And most people can’t do it unless it’s their job, which takes me to my next point.

I can do that as the coach in this coach client area of our relationship. Even if I don’t feel like it, I’m gonna show up because we have an agreement in place, we have boundaries in place. And not only do I love what I do, but even sometimes when I just don’t feel like it, I show up. Because when you have dedicated and committed yourself to your line of work, to your purpose, whatever that might be, you hold commitments or you change your commitments. Since I choose to do this, and I am committed to this work, not just as a job, but as a purpose, but let’s go back to it as a job.

This is my job, so I show up for my clients at those dedicated times. I show up holding space, high energy, receiving energy, clarity of mind, clarity of heart, so that I can be a conduit and facilitate their growth. That’s my job. So whatever I gotta do before our predetermined pre-scheduled call based on our agreements and commitments, I’m showing up to do that. Right?

So I have a whole like process that I do to get myself in that space to be ready for my clients. My clients are not showing up to one of our mastermind calls, and I’m like, y’all listen. I just can’t right now. I just can’t today. Right? Like, no, that’s my job. And so there’s another layer of commitment that I bring to it that sometimes our friends can’t, our families can’t, because this is my job. This is not, I’m gonna fit you in. I really love you and I’m gonna try to, and I’m going to fit you in. No, you’re in, because we’ve already determined that.

So for those of you who are wondering, you know, you might have said this to somebody, or you might have thought this even to yourself. Like, I’m not paying somebody to talk to, to, you know, shoot, I got friends for that. You do. And they love you. I, I believe that they love you. They’re just not gonna be able to help you get to what you’re desiring to get to in a way… in the most easeful, right, in the most easeful way and intentional way as you could if you’re working with a coach that you totally trust and you connect with.

So, boom. All right, so on that note, let’s take a quick pause cuz I wanna share something really amazing with you and if I wait till the end, I’m gonna forget.

Sonja: Okay, so welcome back. I do have just one other, like, small caveat I wanna add onto sort of the piece of like paying for friendship, you know. I, I wanna talk on the topic, sort of like… and I mentioned this right at the very beginning, sort of, of how we view our friendships and why sometimes friendships seem to, or relationships, and that’s not just relat friendships, but relationships in, in general, but specifically our friendships.

There are friendships as women with other women. Our relationships sort of like our family ties relationships, so like mother-daughter relationships. In the sense of that or just, you know, community. What, whatever relationships. More of like friendship relationships. The ones with your spouse, that’s a whole nother topic and I talk about my relationship with my husband and how like he is amazing and supports me in so many ways, but they’re just things I do not talk to him about because it’s it that’s just not his area. And it’s okay. And I know he still loves me, right?

But, you know, sort of a thing that my clients tell me, and in particular this client who resigned with me, one of the things that she mentioned… so initially, she very… remember I talked just a few moments ago about how, you know, people come with wanting to work on or wanting to grow or develop one particular area of their life. Right? And then as they sort of start to practice different tool sets or, you know, the different, you know frameworks that we might have outlined for them specifically, and they start to feel… they start to feel, you know, more free and relaxed and, and success and happiness in the that area, then they’re like, okay, yeah, I want to, either they want to work on another area or it just sort of naturally leads there.

And so this client that has resigned with me initially started, we started working together, I was her business coach. And this is right around also the time that I was making the very intentional shift from positioning myself in the world just as a business coach and saying, even though I, even though clearly they saw me as a life coach and I was helping people with that, I wasn’t sharing myself or putting myself out in the world that way. But this is right at the time where I was intentionally making that shift and saying, you know, I’m a business coach that also helps you with your life.

And so it was initially like business. And so that was really success, really successful for her. Just a lot of clarity, a lot of you know, great decisions that she started making in her business based off of really understanding who she is. Who she is, how she best works, you know, and that really changed a lot for her in how she made decisions in her business. And her business is in a better place now than it was when we began. So there we go. That’s the point, right? That’s the result you wanted. Awesome.

Well, then when she resigned, I wanna say the second time she was very clear that she comes from, a, a culture that is very rooted in like religious dogma. And she found that, that personally, she was in a space where she really wanted to deepen her spiritual side. She really wanted to deepen her personal connection with God and her personal, spiritual sort of journey. And you know, she was like, I love what you’re talking about in that space and you know, I wanna continue with that with you.

And so, you know, we did that and you know, it’s progressed to other things now. It’s, you know, and then there was relationships and you know, all kinds of things. And what I’m gonna say is that as you go through any self, you know, personal development, self, you know, self-awareness journey, self-discovery journey, and a lot of what I talk about is the self prioritization, right? Anytime you’re making these sort of transitions in your life, there’s time, there’s a time where you’ll be sort of like extreme.

So let’s say if you come to me and you are extreme in your disbelief of yourself, you’re, you are you know, you, you have a very… A mentality and a process of thoughts and beliefs that are very, like, lack oriented. Here’s why it won’t work. Here’s why I can’t, stuck in fear, can’t make a move, always procrastinating, right? You’re very much in, in an extreme there.

And so in order, a lot of times, for people to, to really move forward, the, you know, I teach tools and practices and work with people and they work so well that they become sort of like extreme on the other end. This is why when pe, when you notice like people go through like these self-discovery journeys and they seem weird for a minute. Like, oh my God, so and so is like fucking happy all the time. It’s sickening, right? It’s like, oh my gosh. She’s like, Ooh. And I, and I don’t teach fake positivity, by the way. No. I don’t tell people just smile, you know? And then you feel, you, you feel better. Like the more you smile, you feel better. I mean, that is true, but it takes more than that.

And so when your relationships, your friendships, especially women and women, rel friendships, right? As you start to get more into these processes and these tools and they start working, now you’re in the extreme of like, I’m like all about empowerment. I’m like all about my mindset. I’m like, all over here. And you have to go there before you go in the center, which is more balanced.

And at first, like if you get on social media and you’re like, I’m, I’m putting up boundaries. I’m putting myself first this year, right? Your friendships, those girl, those woman and woman friendships, right? Your tribe, your girlfriend, your crew. They’re like, yes, queen, right? Everybody’s got high five emojis and everybody’s cool with it until they realize that they’re part of the reorganization of your self priorities.

Not because there’s something wrong with them, but because you literally, when you are focused on you, right? When you are focused on you and your wellbeing and your, your mental resilience and all of that, your energetic, you know, boundaries and, and keeping a clean as, as clean of a container for yourself as you can, you literally don’t have time for others. You just don’t. You’ll get there eventually where you can invite people in. When you get to that balance, that part in the middle, that ebb and flow riding the wave. But there’s gonna be a time when you just. You do not have space for them just right now.

And because they’re not, and a lot of times I, I keep saying women relationships because women naturally have a propensity to put themselves last. This is just something that has, I, I truly don’t believe in, if you study cultures and things like that, I mean, women have had reigns of power for thousands of years way back in history. But then there was this, you know, couple thousand years or whatnot where women have completely lost the sense that we are, that they’re powerful. And even the ones that are like it, it’s, that’s a whole conversation.

But what I’m saying, Typically at this point right now, for the last several hundred thousand or at least a thousand years, women have this really natural propensity to like put themselves last, right? So it’s all about nurturing our other relationships and things outside of ourselves, right? There are times when that is absolutely necessary. You have a child, you have a smile, a small child, you have an infant, you have to, they cannot take care of themselves, right?

But then you have spouses, you have your girlfriends. And as that being that, that is sort of like some of, some of what they’re working on, as you grow into yourself, as you put up boundaries they will process your self prioritization practices, they’ll pr, they’ll process that as you don’t have time for them, Y in a bad way. Now you acting funny, blah, blah, blah. Or they may not say those things to you. But they may feel that way, and you are not responsible for their feelings around your progress, around your journey. Encourage them to find themselves in a similar process. Refer them to me. Refer them to your coach. You know what I mean? So that they can, they can find their own prioritization, right?

Because here’s the thing. If you don’t take nothing else from this conversation, I want you to know this. You don’t get to self-love without self prioritization. You just don’t, okay? All right. You will not benefit from self-care. If you don’t prioritize doing self-care. And you certainly, listen in, you certainly won’t practice soft life and soft living if you don’t prioritize saying no. Okay? Hello, is this thing on? Are y’all hearing me? Did you hear me? Hit rewind if you need to hear that again.

Like none of those three things happen without self prioritization. It just doesn’t. Okay. So that’s the little extra like asterisk caveat I wanted to add to like these, these female to female relationships, because I think in particular that is sort of like a sub conversation that, that, that needs to happen. Because it’s definitely a real experience, you know? And some friendships, some relationships don’t bounce back from that because the other parties don’t have that understanding, you know?

And until they have that understanding and that own experience for themselves, or they learn that yes, it’s selfish to put yourself first but it’s, it’s a necessary thing to do so that you can then show up and be of service to others, including them. But you’ve got to start somewhere. All right.

And then just a little fun, sort of like fun fact and just to show you how I work through my own thoughts and beliefs, cuz sneaky thoughts, you know, sneaky thoughts will come into your head at every level. You never I don’t think you ever stop being I don’t think you ever stop having experiences for you to practice what you’ve mastered. Does that make sense?

All right, so this client, same client that resigned with me, we’re on year three now. Woo Woo. Celebration time. I told you I believe in celebrating that. I’m calling in more of that. For those where it’s aligned. Is that right before she signed, she was, I saw that she had gone onto a couple of conferences, which I was really proud of her for because I’m not the be all, end all y’all.

Like, this is why people, why is coaches and financial coaches and wellness, you know, coaches. Someone to help them like how are they eating? How like they’re, you know, this is very much a thing, you know, and while you may not feel like you have the resource to have all of those things.

One of the other like special things that I’m really good at doing is showing people how they can actually do anything they want to do. Like I remember a time when I very, we very first had our son and I was like, I need help. I’m running two businesses, two physical brick and mortar businesses. I have this infant, I’m breastfeeding. It’s a lot.

And you know, one of the businesses was not doing that great. And I was like, this is just a lot. And guess what? I was able to hire a nanny. A nanny y’all would not believe, like, and I wasn’t paying this nanny like, and she was an amazing nanny who came to my home. She was the only person outside of family who I would, who I did, who we did entrust with our son. And we did it on like some ridiculously inexpensive budget that you’d probably be like, oh, well I could not afford a nanny. But anyway, that’s… book a call with me if you wanna know how, just let me show you. I promise I can show you.

So anyway, she, she was, you know she was in this room with if these conferences with these amazing coaches one of them, one of the top women coaches in the industry right now. Beautiful black woman. I’m so, I love her. I love her so much. She’s amazing. And my client was in the room with her and I mean, you know, I just, I didn’t think anything of it other than, oh my God, I, I love that she’s getting to be around her and hear her cuz she’s amazing.

And it wasn’t until she came back, like our things in our, in, in my coaching business, things like renewals and the invitation to continue to work, that stuff is automated. I don’t really, sometimes I loosely know like our time is coming up, but I don’t have like, exact dates. Like, oh, you know, all that stuff is automated. So I wasn’t like conscious of the fact that her invitation and, you know, for us to keep working together was going out anytime soon.

And so when I got the notification that I resigned, that she resigned and all, I remembered how I saw her there with this other coach and it dawned on me like, damn, she coulda, I, cuz I know this other coach, she could have assigned to work with her in a capacity like you, you get what I’m saying? Like, she could have, she was right there. I know there was an offer made, a pitch made. She could have did that.

And I was like, and she just resigned with me again, like that’s, I was like, this is what I’m talking about. Yes. You know what I mean? And I instantly saw myself as the equal to this amazing, very, very well known, influential you know, coach in the industry. And I was like, yes. And I’m, and I’m being, not only do I see myself like that clearly I am being seen like, like that from others. Right?

And then guess what happened? Maybe about five minutes later when I revisited that thought, a little sneaky thought tried to creep in, which was, well, I mean she pro, she might have signed, maybe she just signed with you because you’re less expensive than that other coach. And I was immediate like, Nope. Delete. I literally said that to myself out loud. Nope. Delete. And I teach that. I do that a lot. Nope. Delete. Because No, no, no, no, no. I get to choose what I think. Excuse me. I get to choose what I believe. I didn’t choose that, that thought crept in. Consciously, I didn’t choose that, but I get to choose what I believe.

So I in that moment chose to delete that negative thought, that lack thought, that comparison type thought, and reiterate what I want to be true. And it’s going to be true because if I believe it, then it is true for me. Which is, no, she chose me cuz she sees me in that light because I am that light. Because we have a trust and a connection that is built unlike any other, and I am uniquely qualified and designed by God to help her in a way that nobody else can.

That doesn’t mean nobody else can help her, but for these things, for this assignment, Uhuh, Uhuh, we’ve already been, that’s already been predetermined. All that was needed was for me to step up, position myself to be seen so she could find me. And all she needed to do was to be open enough and trust her feelings enough that she knew she needed someone else to help her become her greatest self as we all do. And so she showed up and stood up, and because we both stood up, we were able to see each other. And now we have this amazing coaching relationship and friendship.

Y’all, I’m gonna leave it at that note right there. Woo. I got goose bumps right now. You get to choose your thoughts. Excuse me. You get to choose your beliefs. I get to choose my beliefs. So every time you have one of those sneaky thoughts, every time, your, your subconscious, right? Those underlying things that you’ve been working on, but they’re still there. And at every level growth, every next level that you step into for yourself, you will revisit these same feelings because that is the process, y’all. This is what life is. Life is a series of practices. And it just keeps happening.

The suffering comes in when you choose not to, or you do not know how to, how to navigate the repetitive process. That’s where suffering comes in. But we will all be challenged. We will all have things that will call you to say, oh so, You sure? I mean, like you, you, you mastered that? And until you master it, then it doesn’t go away. But guess what? Then there’s something else.

So it’s not about not having these experiences, it’s not about figuring out some magic dust or some special meditation or some amazing affirmation that’s gonna protect you from challenge, that’s gonna protect you from the pains of growth. No. It’s about learning how to navigate the process. It is about navigating. It’s about staying on top, you know, being on the surfboard, riding the wave. Riding the waves, the waves will come. How do you ride the waves?

Okay, I know I said I was done before, but for real, I am done now. You guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let me know. Find me on Instagram, find me on Facebook at Sonja Tompkins. Do please subscribe if you have not already, and leave a review if this one just really touched your soul. I cannot wait to chat with you again in our next. And remember, if you are interested in building your resilience, connecting with your purpose and doing it all with an unbreakable new set of beliefs, make sure you reach out. Book a call with me. Join us in the Mastermind you find out more at sonjatompkins.com.