Ep. 13: How to Overcome Feeling Stuck and Achieve Your Goals Before Your Next Birthday

Sonja Thompkins: Hello. Hey, soulful listeners. Thank you so much for being here today. I’m your host, Sonia Tompkins. Welcome back to the show. Today, we got a hot topic. I’m so, um, energized to be talking about this with you today. Listen, today’s episode, I’m going to be sharing how ambitious women and female entrepreneurs can eliminate feeling stuck and fulfill their goals before your next birthday.

Did you hear what I said? Yeah, I’m going to repeat it because I know it’s almost like, wait, did you say what I thought you said? Yes. I am going to share with you today how you can eliminate feelings of being stuck and fulfill your goals before your next birthday. 

Now, you might be wondering how I can sort of promise that, and by the way, it is a promise. It’s actually one of my, um, promises if you work with me. And my clients all know this the reason I do that, and I’m so confident, and have no problem saying, like, yeah, we’re going to get that done. You know what I mean? By your next birthday. It’s because I’ve done it. I have worked… 1st of all, I’ve done it with myself.

How many of, um, you have, you know, said things like, you know, by the time my birthday comes around next year, I want to do X, Y, Z. I want to have X, Y, Z. By the time my birthday, you know, happens, I’m going to dot dot dot. Right? 

 And I’ve done this for myself. I can remember probably, I don’t know. I want to say 1 of the 1st sort of examples of that that that I remember saying out loud and actually with intention move towards because I remember saying that by the time I turned 26, or actually, yeah, but I said, by the time I turned 26, I wanted to have my 1st salon and day spa open and operating.

And I want to say at the time that I created that intention, I was 13, all right? So I wasn’t necessarily in a position at 13 to be to be actively working on it in the way that as an adult, we would think about actively working on something. Actively working towards a goal. 

Sort of like, as an adult, we tend to have these very linear, well planned out intentions towards fulfilling, you know, a goal and our deadlines are really short. Like, we give ourselves these really short deadlines a lot of times. And then we wonder why we’re like, overwhelmed or frustrated. Right? How many times have you given yourself? Like, Oh, You know, the next 30 days, I’m going to or whatever. Right?

And while there are many things that you can accomplish in a short amount of time, I think when we’re talking about maybe goals, I call them soul goals that your things that you are really led to, you are really called to. Things you really just, you really want it from a really deep place and or we’re talking about goals that are more, um, emotional or self driven.

Meaning like a transformation you want to experience within yourself. Maybe you want to have a better relationship with you within yourself. Maybe you want to change your mindset around different things. That’s when 30 days is, is pushing it. I don’t ever want to say what’s impossible because I know through, you know, God through creator, all things are possible. I’ll just say, . It could be pushing it, alright?

Um, and so at that time for myself, I was like 13, you know, and here’s the thing I said, by the time I was 26, I actually accomplished that when I was 23, right? So it was 3 years ahead. And although I wasn’t every day, every 2nd of every minute focused on how I was going to accomplish this goal, I did position myself in ways, like, you know, letting my parents know that I wanted to attend a technical high school to learn the trade of cosmetology, which I did.

And I positioned myself once I graduated high school and graduated with that cosmetology license to, um, get a job with a company that was a franchise. I’ve worked for Great Clips and they were franchise. So, although I still wanted to attend college, I knew that I could take that skill of cosmetology, attend college, work, right, for that franchise, for Great Clips and be making money towards that dream, that goal of opening my own salon. 

So, again, there was a plan, but it wasn’t super, I didn’t overwhelm myself with, you know, again, pressure like every moment, every day, every second I’ve got to be thinking about hitting this goal. Um, and I allow time and space for life to happen. And by the way, when I was 13 and I did this, I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. I didn’t realize I was creating space, right? I didn’t realize that I was allowing myself a container, um, to, to fulfill this goal without feeling overwhelmed without pressure, right?

 But that’s essentially what I was doing. And fast forward, as I got into, um, fulfilling more of my goals, which I have done, I have fulfilled a lot, a lot of things that I really wanted to do. And a lot of people admired that about me. And they would go like, how do you do, how are you doing these things?

And you know, my goals weren’t the same as everybody else’s. And I’m sure your goals aren’t the same, you know? Or maybe they are. But here’s the thing. Again, at the time I didn’t realize, but I know now is that, um, when we are, you know, going towards fulfilling our goals, you know, doing the things we want to do, we have to remember that we are on our own timelines. Um, it’s going to look different for everyone, you know, and that that is okay. 

So once I started getting into, you know, actively intentionally coaching, um, women and female entrepreneurs, it became very clear to me where feeling stuck came from. I was able to observe and see, um, where they were creating pressure for themselves and, and, and overwhelmed and ultimately why sometimes people would give up.

And so I developed and created sort of like frameworks and process that will allow not just myself, but my clients, you know, to either avoid, eliminate, or fast track, fast track, not going fast, but fast track their sort of process to, you know, fulfilling those goals. And also finding goals because and I’m going to talk about that also in this episode, so, yeah, let’s just let’s just jump into it. 

But that’s how I got to the point where I’m very confident saying, listen, you know, if you’re stuck, we can get you unstuck. You know, if you don’t know what goals to do next, I can help you find them. I can help you uncover those goals. You’re trying to fulfill a goal, you know, and you want it as soon as possible, I can help you do that. As a matter of fact, I’m going to promise you that you’re going to be able to fulfill those goals before your next birthday. Right?

So yeah, I’m really excited about it. And I’ll, I’ll create another podcast episode later about why specifically I go with the next, with the birthday thing. But, you know, it just seems very relevant and timely because I know so many of us, um, like I said, in the beginning, we declare these things and our birthdays are just sort of this natural, um, mark in a year, you know, that we tend to focus on ourselves, which is really beautiful because as women, especially ambitious women, women who are running businesses, we have a lot going on and we tend to not focus on ourselves. Right? All right. So listen, let’s get into it. 

I think this matters so much because I think a lot of times, at least when I consider my own experiences and also when I’m talking to people casually, is that when you feel like you are stuck, right? When you use that term, I feel stuck, I feel stuck in my career, I feel stuck in my, my marriage, I feel stuck, you know, um, where I live. It really just means you, you don’t have, or you don’t feel a sense of purpose. You don’t feel like you’re on purpose with where you live. You don’t feel like you’re on purpose with this career, this job, this business. Um, you don’t feel like you have a sense of direction where you want to go just in your life or with your business or with your career or whatever. 

And so, that term, like I feel stuck is really driven by those things. And I think the way that we start to notice that we’re stuck, um, usually comes from some sort of like major change or transition in your life. So that could be, you know, changing career, change in what’s happening in your industry, if you own a business. Change in your relationship, you know, some sort of change in a family dynamic. Maybe it’s, um, you just had a baby, maybe your children are leaving and you’re getting into empty nest syndrome.

Maybe the change is, um, you’re being, you’re getting separated. You’re getting married. Um, it can also just be internal, like changes within yourself, right? You have a different outlook. You have a different desire for yourself. You have a different desire for the life you want to live. You have, maybe you’re experiencing hormonal changes. I’m raising my hand there. I’m in the throes of perimenopause right now. That is a super, um, big transition and change. Right? 

And so that change is. Um, I don’t want to say affecting, but it is definitely, uh, weighing heavily on the things that I’m doing and how I see things and my perspective on things, and life and business and all of that. Right? And so it’s not uncommon. I just want you all to know if you’re listening to this and it’s not uncommon, right? To feel stuck. It is not uncommon to be like, okay, now, what or why am I here? Okay?

A lot of times, um. We can’t move through those feelings. It’s because you don’t know what your goals are at this point. Right? Um, because either you’ve been chasing some goals that sounded good, right? It’s like the goals, like, um, make X amount of money or, um, you know, wear these types of clothing or, you know, live in this neighborhood. It’s sort of like those goals that sound good. Or by the time you’re this age, you should have blah, blah, blah, right? There’s a lot of like, societal conditions, conditioning. There’s a lot of like, domestic conditioning in our homes. 

All of these things can can sort of help us in chasing goals that sound good, but they’re not really meant for us, right? It’s not really meant for you. Or, and this will, this will sound strange to some, some of you and others, you’ll be like, oh, my God, that is me, right? 

Or you might have hit some of your really big goals, but you don’t know where to go. It’s like, I have been chasing this goal for so long, right? And you had your, your horse blinders on and you got your head down and you were just focused on that goal. And now you have that goal. And you are appreciative of that goal. You are grateful that you have fulfilled that goal. It’s like you’re on the top of a mountain and you’re looking around now and you’re like. Okay, now what? You know? 

And you can even start to feel down because you’re like, What is wrong with me? Right? I’m here. I did this great, amazing thing. I’m really proud of myself. I’m really enjoying being here and yet I’m already searching for the next thing, or maybe it doesn’t feel as gratifying as, as you thought. Right? That’s a really, um, that’s a really important experience that I don’t think many are talking about. And that’s why I’m talking about it in this episode. Right? 

But when you make it okay, like when you give yourself permission and you just make it okay for yourself to not always know what’s happening or what the next thing is, or, um, not have a plan, right? When you just make it okay within yourself, which is a decision, right? We don’t get to control what happens to us. But we can certainly control, um, or just how we respond to anything. 

So, being in a place where change was thrust upon you or transition was thrust upon you, like some of those ways I mentioned earlier, like a change in your family dynamic, a change in a job or industry, right? Um, change in the economy, hormonal change, any of these things. These are not things that… Um, sometimes we, you know, we were a part of maybe these things sort of happen, right? Because life does that. Life just happens, right? We don’t necessarily get to control that, but we do get to control how we respond to it. And responding to something usually means to make a decision, right?

So if you can make a decision that it’s okay to not always know, then you stop, you immediately stop beating up on yourself because you don’t know what the next to do is, right? And, um, Also recognizing and embracing the fact that this is just a season, whether you hit the goal, and now you don’t know where to go, or you haven’t hit the goal and you’ve just been working on it for a long time, or you just feel stuck and you don’t know. You don’t know a goal. You don’t know what, what to do in the next 20 minutes. 

It is just a season, you guys, and it is a season that we all go through and it is a season that repeats itself. I want to, I really want you to absorb what I just said there. These are seasons and they will repeat themselves. Okay. There is a difference between having a lack of direction, feeling like you don’t know the next steps, and, and being depressed. Okay? And I think you can be in seasons of, you know, not knowing what’s next or not knowing what to do and not be depressed.

And I also think that if you stay in that too long, and you are just talking to yourself about it, right? You’re just talking to yourself about it, meaning you’re just allowing yourself to keep having these thoughts about it and you’re ruminating over it and you’re not opening up to anyone talking about it. You’re not, you know, you’re just staying in your own little bubble because you’re going to work it out for yourself. Now, you can lead yourself into depression, right? And once you get into states of depression, then that’s another topic, right? That’s, that’s another, another sort of thing that you might want to address.

But many times, right? And I’m coming, this is coming from someone who… I coach licensed clinical therapist weekly. Dozens of them weekly through this and I’ve had extensive conversations. Um, so I am not acting like a therapist, but I will tell you that a lot of times what we might feel like we need therapy on, it’s really just we need direction. We need clarity for ourselves so that we can start, you know, making moves and do those things accordingly. 

So, I want to lay out a couple of, sort of steps and the ways that you can do that over the next few episodes. So make sure that you follow the show. I almost want to tell you to stop right now and just hit follow right on whatever device that you’re listening to, but make sure you follow, subscribe to the show because, um, the next few episodes I’m going to be discussing the other ways, right?

But today I’m just going to start with the first thing that you can do to get out of the feeling of being stuck, right? And how to start finding goals, fulfilling goals. All right. Okay. So today, the first way, the first step that you can take right now is getting clear on where you are, AKA it’s time to assess.

I want you to take an assessment of your life right now. Okay, the way that I work through this with my clients and by the way, y’all are getting y’all are getting the whole, the whole tea. I was recently on a podcast guest on a podcast and she was like, well, I don’t want you to tell the whole tea, Sonja. Like your whole process. And I was like, girl, it’s all good. I’m here for sharing. Right? So you are getting the tea right now.

But the very first thing that you want to do is take an assessment of your life, right? And I teach my clients, I guide them and I coach them through assessing these six areas. So basically assessing how you feel and how you relate to, um, these six areas of your life. All right?

So the first. Area that you want to assess. It’s just how do you feel about yourself? How do you talk to yourself on a daily basis? Right? What are the thoughts that you have about yourself or your circumstances right now? Because your thoughts, that’s how you’re talking to yourself, right? And the way that you think and talk to yourself results in the way you feel about yourself. So again, the first thing that you can assess is just how do you feel about yourself, right? 

The second thing that you can assess is your overall wellbeing. How do you feel? Okay. Well, being is, is it encompasses, it is the holistic, um, of, you know, how you take care of your body, how you take care of your emotions, how you choose to use your energy, um, your, how you relax and unwind. Right? So, well, being, um, is all of those things. 

And how are you right now when it comes to your well being? You know, are you are you do you feel like you’re doing a good job there? Are there areas that, you know, right now, just by me saying that you’re like, yeah, I feel like I could do a better job here or there. I would like to feel better in this area of overall well being. So you want to assess well being. Okay?

The 3rd thing you want to assess is the way you make decisions. When you make decisions, do you typically feel confident about them? Does it take you a long time to make confident decisions? Do you just not like making decisions? Right? Does that in itself, just the idea of making a decision, give you pause or stress or create feelings of anxiety for you? Right? Again, this is just an assessment. You don’t need to try to figure out the why you’re just paying attention and saying, okay, right now I want to think about that. I’m going to assess how I make decisions, how I feel about the way I make decisions.

The fourth thing is how do you manifest or create things that you want? What’s your go to when it’s like, oh, I want a thing. What is sort of like your go to process? Number five, what is your money mindset? How do you think about money? What do you think about money? Do you even allow yourself to think about money?

Okay. And then number six, what is, um, what is your, what are your thoughts, I should say regarding, your purpose in the world and the work that you do? You know, how do you feel about that? Are you pleased? Do you think you’re on purpose? Do you feel like you don’t know your purpose? Um, do you, do you think you’re doing the work in the world that you are meant to do? That you’re great at doing? You feel appreciated in the work you do. Right? 

So those are the 6 areas. Okay. So number 1, it’s just how do you feel about yourself? Number two is your well being. Number three, how do you make decisions? Four, how do you feel about the way you manifest or create things? Um, number five, what is your money mindset? How do you feel about money? Um, and six, how do you feel about your purpose and the work that you do in the world? Right? 

You guys, this entire process, this entire assessment process, right? Is what I teach and I coach my clients through, um, all of these steps within my coaching experiences. Like, it’s 1 of the 1st things we do, because it’s so foundational. It’s literally like, how do you create a plan or, or work on a thing, fix a thing, eliminate a thing and do things if you don’t even know, like, where you’re starting from. 

So, um, this is so foundational and yet it’s so simple. A lot of people are pleasantly surprised that we can move through this entire assessment process, right? And get to the core of, like, where they really are in all these areas in like 30, 45 minutes tops. It’s really, I would say more like 25 to 30 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. I’m not kidding at all. Right? Because it’s simple to do.

It’s not necessarily easy to change. You know whatever the assessment brings up, but it’s very simple to just lay it out, especially when you have someone that when you are saying certain things, because we tend to think a lot and talk a lot to ourselves and to others. We don’t necessarily um, actively listen to the words that we’re saying. The brain is so it’s such a wonderful tool that it allows us to sort of, like, say 1 thing and mean another at the same time. And and also, um, process a thing that we are saying and make it a belief, even if that’s not what we meant, right?

And so when you have someone, when you have, when my clients, like, work with me, they get someone who, while they are actively talking, saying a thing. I’m like, I’m like, pointing this out. Hey, well, did you see that? Did you notice what you just did there? Like, roll back the film. Did you see, you know, did you hear that? And they’re like, Oh. And I’m like, yep. See, this is and it’s so simple, you know, when you have someone that’s trained and actively listening and right there with you, um, throughout the entire process.

And I do this, like, we have to, I make this 1 of the 1st things we do, because I truly believe that when you approach anything from a place of knowing who you are, when you can start, right, whatever it is that you’re moving towards soul first, you will always know what your best strategy to move forward is going to be to get you the results you want. All right, let that sink in. When you do anything soul first, you will always, unequivocally, there’s zero doubt. When you start there, you always know what your best strategy will be or is to move forward and to achieve the results or goals that you want.

It’s powerful stuff, y’all. It’s powerful stuff. Um, and again, these are, these are, these are things that I do all the time because like I mentioned, this is not these seasons of, um, uncertainty or feeling stuck or just, you know, what’s the next thing. If you are so blessed to live, okay, you will come to these moments again. And one of my, um, one of the, the biggest things I do in the coaching that I offer is to not only coach you through it, you know, as many times as you need or want to want me to coach you through these different seasons. I’m going to teach you the tools so that you don’t have to you don’t have to have me around.

You know, I become at some point I become sort of like, just, um, a listening ear, you know? After we do the work and we, we, we, we go through the processes and we get you the transformations that you want, we fulfill the goals that you have, we get you clear on the direction you need to take, and I coach you through going through those directions to get to where you want, right? 

At some point, I get to sort of just become a sounding board. And then at some point after that, yeah. If you want me, I’m here because I do, I do have some clients that just they, we’ve, we’ve coached together, we’ve gone from working together from 3 months, then it’s 6 months and a year. I want to say at this point, the longest kind of like ongoing client that I’ve worked with has been a year and a half. 

And you know, but at some point they have, I mean, they have, you guys will have what you need. You will have the tools. You will remember how to use the tools. You’ll be confident in using the tools. Um, so that when you find yourself in the next season, you’re not scared. You’re not, you don’t feel unsafe. You don’t, you know, feel the anxiety. Um, you’ll just recognize, Oh, okay, here we are again. Okay, here we go. I know what to do, right? And you will know how to work yourself through it. 

So, listen, if that is where you are, okay? If you are in one of those seasons right now, and you want to eliminate feeling stuck if you want to find and fulfill your soul’s goals and do it before your next birthday, you guys, heads up. I am currently accepting private 1 on 1 coaching clients. These are some of my most or not some of. These are my most sort of prized offer to work with me because it is such a high touch coaching experience. 

I would love to tell you all the details about it. So, if you want to know more, if you’re interested in just hearing the details, you want to know how I can actually help you with your specific circumstance right now, then please click the link in the show notes. I will have a link there where you can book a call with me where we can discuss, uh, what your needs or desires are right now and how I will help you fulfill them with clarity, with direction, with purpose, with zest for life. And we’ll do it before your next birthday. 

You guys, thank you so much for listening. I would love to know what you thought about this episode. Please DM me. You can find me on Facebook at Sonja Thompkins. Also Instagram at Sonja Thompkins. I would love to, DM me, take a screenshot of this episode if you’re on a mobile device, tag me in your stories and let me know what you thought about this episode.

And if you are not already receiving my weekly email series, um, with more on how you can eliminate feeling stuck, find and fulfill your goals before your next birthday, I will have a link for my weekly email series as well. I just announced not too long ago on social, how my email community and this podcast are my 1st touches and where I am sharing the most, right? It is the best ways to be in community with me. 

And I still appreciate you all for being here. And this is where this podcast and also my email series is where I’m going to be. Dropping the most gems, as they say, and, uh, giving you guys the goods more so than social. So, you definitely want to make sure that you are subscribed and following the show and also joining the email series.

Thank you guys so much for being here. I hope this, uh, lands in a place for you that will serve you and I’ll see you in our next episode.